You Let Him In

  You Let Him In

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Prologue

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty-One

  Twenty-Two

  Twenty-Three

  Twenty-Four

  Twenty-Five

  Twenty-Six

  Twenty-Seven

  Twenty-Eight

  Twenty-Nine

  Thirty

  Thirty-One

  Thirty-Two

  Thirty-Three

  Thirty-Four

  Epilogue

  A Letter From J A Andrews

  Acknowledgements

  Copyright

  Cover

  Table of Contents

  Start of Content

  You Let Him In

  JA Andrews

  For Peter Kewley, a colleague and a friend who has kept me focussed: #ThePlan

  Prologue

  Michael

  It’s a shame we couldn’t afford a detached property with a huge garden, but this part of Westbridge was at least more respectable than others within our budget. I didn’t like being sandwiched by neighbours and overlooked by strangers, but I had a dream for something bigger and better. All I had to do was stick to the plan. All Jenny had to do was believe in me.

  We had visited the property twice before, deciding it was the perfect home for us. I took care of arranging the mortgage with the best rates because I’m better with the finances than Jenny. All she had to do was sign on the dotted lines. I liked to keep everything organised, the skills of being an accountant, while Jenny could concentrate on being a great mother and a loving wife. This was meant to be the start of our new life together. I was genuinely happy too, we both were. I thought our lives from that moment onwards would only get better.

  Jenny fell in love with our new home the second she walked inside. I set up a surprise for her in the master bedroom after I collected the keys: a woollen blanket on the floor, a picnic basket filled with goodies from our favourite bakery and a spectacular bouquet of flowers. I used to buy Jenny flowers every payday to show her how much I cared, how much she meant to me. I was her loyal husband, a father that Daniel could look up to and the head of my own family. I had responsibilities that empowered me to become successful.

  ‘It feels like home already,’ she told me, as we sat upstairs in the master bedroom. I knew Jenny liked surprises. ‘It’s perfect for us, a whole new chapter in our lives. I love it.’

  I remember smiling at Jenny and wrapping my arms around her. I was lucky to have her by my side, I was proud of her. The musty smell from the carpets hit me. This property needed some minor modernisation improvements and painting throughout. Already, as I looked around the rooms, I could easily picture us living here. The commute to work wasn’t far, a school for Daniel was close by, it was convenient – yet little doubts kept me thinking. How long would we have to live here? How long before I could achieve my dreams? I wanted something better.

  ‘A perfect home, for my perfect family,’ I replied. ‘It’s a good starting home for us. I know that Mum and Dad will be pleased, too, that we’re not that far away.’

  This was an exciting time in both of our lives. I wanted our new beginnings to be a fresh start. When Jenny used to visit me in my flat before we lived together, I could keep some aspects of my life separate. I never really talked to her in great detail about my work. When we moved in together there were some things I didn’t want her to see, but I thought I had it under my control.

  On the day we moved in, I looked at Jenny’s face which was full of excitement, love and hope. She was overjoyed, but there was one little detail that was eating away at the back of my mind. Something that I couldn’t bring myself to tell her.

  Keeping everything under control was stressful, and with the stress came moments when I would almost slip up. All I ever wanted was for us to have a great future together without having to worry anymore. In my mind I had everything organised. I needed time, money and everyone to play their part in this life I was constructing for myself.

  Dying was never part of the plan.

  One

  Michael

  Jenny has no idea what stress and pressure I am facing: secrets that weigh heavy on my mind – but I can’t ask anyone for support. I got myself into this situation, and it’s all on my shoulders to get myself out of it. I only need Jenny to play her part, stay at home, look after our son and stop asking me questions. If I don’t talk about my issues, then I’m exposing no lies. All we have to do is keep up appearances. The last couple of months have been unsettling, but I don’t want to worry my wife or burden her with my concerns. I’m convinced that a few more months is all I need to get back to some sort of normality and a few more weeks maybe at keeping up this lie. We’re already at the beginning of autumn and it’s only three months until Christmas. That’s going to be another expense we could do without.

  ‘Did you get a good night’s sleep?’ I ask my wife as I hear her footsteps coming down the stairs. ‘I don’t think Daniel woke up again in the night, did he?’

  Jenny yawns without even responding or acknowledging my question. She is wrapping the dressing gown belt around her waist. I’ve made her breakfast to show how apologetic I am for how tense I have been with her lately. Work has been playing on my mind, and it’s not like she will understand. She has enough on her plate with Daniel.

  ‘I see you’ve cooked his breakfast and got him up and ready this morning,’ Jenny replies, giving me that same soft smile that made me fall in love with her. ‘That’s a nice surprise in itself. He woke up about three-ish but managed to eventually drop back off.’

  ‘I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed this morning, but you’ve woken up too early,’ I say, thinking of ways to encourage her to get back up those stairs. ‘Why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll follow you up with the tray? Do you want any coffee or orange juice to go with it?’

  Jenny sighs, but I see another smile trying to work its way out in my direction. She can tell I’m trying to make amends for snapping at her yesterday. I don’t want to explain my whereabouts when I walk through the door at the end of the day. If I’m late home, it’s because I’ve been working late in the office. It doesn’t need an explanation.

  ‘I’m up out of bed now, so I might as well stay down here,’ she replies. ‘Thanks for breakfast, what a lovely treat, and I’ll have an orange juice, thanks, if you don’t mind.’

  I present Jenny her breakfast at the table – scrambled eggs on toast, just how she likes them – and in that brief moment I hear the postman pushing the letters through the letterbox. I know exactly what documents I’ve been expecting, but I need to get the post before Jenny does. She was meant to have still been in bed, but at least she made her way through to the kitchen after the mail had hit the floor. She’s never normally up this early and I don’t want her to get to the post before me.

  Daniel is sat on the chair playing with the plastic spoon he should be eating his soft-boiled egg with. The toast soldiers have been smudged around the plate a few times, but this is his usual routine before eventually eating them one by one. All I want to do is run towards the front door, collect the post and head out. I doubt it will be that straightforward now she’s downstairs.

  ‘I love you,’ I say. ‘I hope you enjo
y your breakfast. Daniel seems to be enjoying his by the mess he’s making.’

  ‘I love you too,’ Jenny replies. ‘It looks great, I’m starving. I didn’t manage to eat very much yesterday. I spent most of the evening on the phone to Lizzie, stressing about changes at work. Once she gets going you know how difficult it is to shut her up.’

  Jenny doesn’t suspect anything. I laugh at her quip about Lizzie. Thankfully, she seems to be in a better mood this morning.

  ‘Sorry I was late home last night,’ I reply. ‘Needed to tie a few loose ends up in the office. Deadlines, you know how it is.’

  I watch my wife and son eat their breakfasts, but I’m too on edge to eat anything myself. I’ll grab some breakfast biscuits later in the morning. I’ve been stressed about the post arriving on time. I was not leaving the house without it. At least once a month I have to go through this tension in case Jenny sees the damage. I’ve got backup plans and excuses coming out of my ears. As of yet, I’ve not had to use any of them.

  ‘Daniel, stop playing with your food and eat it please?’ I hear Jenny say. ‘Do you want to go to the park later with Nanny and Mummy?’

  Nanny?

  ‘You didn’t tell me my mother was coming over,’ I say, walking through the hallway to pick up the post. ‘Reminds me I need to catch up with her – and Dad too. Tell her that I’ll pop round in a few days, or maybe we can all go over together one evening?’

  ‘She’s only coming over to pay Daniel a visit. You know how much she spoils him,’ Jenny replies. ‘And how overbearing she can be, telling me what’s best for Daniel. Why don’t you go round, or give her a call without me, give me a break from her?’

  The text alert on my mobile phone goes off, interrupting our discussion over my mother. I thought it was in my trouser pocket the whole time, but I glance behind me to notice it in full view on the kitchen window. It’s not like Jenny has ever been interested in going through my phone, but I couldn’t refuse her if she asked.

  ‘Who’s texting you this early?’ Jenny asks. ‘You’re not due in until after nine today, are you?’

  ‘Let me just check – probably a spam email alert or something,’ I respond, with the phone in my hand. ‘It’s only Brad, reminding me not to forget the reports on the manufacturing accounts we’re working on together. You know what a slave driver my manager is.’

  Jenny nods. I know if I discuss my work, she won’t ask any more questions.

  ‘I’m going to spend the day trying to see if I can find any more clients. I’ve been thinking about some self-employed accounting work, but there’s no point until the start of the new tax year. No business wants their tax returns completed in the autumn.’

  ‘Any post for me?’ Jenny asks. ‘Not that I’m expecting anything, most of mine drops in by email, but I bought Daniel some new clothes from the catalogue, didn’t know if the statement was in?’

  Another question that makes me feel tense because she doesn’t normally ask. I bite my tongue so I don’t spoil her mood. Little does she know that I’ve managed to hide most of the letters. Envelopes tucked inside places that are out of her sight.

  ‘No, just junk mail,’ I reply, ‘I’ve left it on the side by the microwave. I’ll be heading off in a minute.’

  ‘Michael?’ Jenny asks, her tone of voice more serious. ‘Can we please talk about having a break away this evening, or even think about saving for a family holiday? We deserve something to look forward to, don’t we?’

  I can’t count how many times over the last couple of months I have already explained that we don’t have the money for a holiday. It’s unlikely to be this year, possibly not even next year. I’m already under enough pressure to pay for everything in this house. She just doesn’t get it.

  ‘We can’t afford it,’ I say diplomatically. ‘Again, we’ve talked about all this stuff, Jen. Why are you bringing it up now? Once the mortgage comes out and the other household bills, we are barely left with anything for treats.’

  My reply has disappointed her, I can tell. I have to focus on my work. It’ll be great when Jenny returns full-time, so it’s less of a burden.

  ‘I have to head off to work, Jen.’ I say, walking closer to the door. ‘We’ll talk about it tonight. I promise. I’ll see if we can use my parents’ lodge down in Cornwall for one weekend soon. You know that Dad will moan about the loss of rental income, but Mum shouldn’t be that bothered, she’ll talk him round.’

  Jenny walks towards me with her open arms, and cuddles me while resting her head on my right shoulder. I give her a couple of tight squeezes to reaffirm that I do love her. Despite the tension between us from our petty arguments lately, my family are my everything. I know that with persistence, I can bring in more money. Work is my number one priority right now.

  ‘Shit,’ I blurt out. ‘I’m bloody late enough already, Jen. I must go.’

  ‘Michael!’ Jenny says sternly. ‘Cover your ears, Daniel. Daddy is so naughty.’

  We both laugh as I make my way to the front door. I ruffle Daniel’s hair as I walk past him. He does tend to pick up words quite easily now; I should watch my mouth around him.

  ‘See you tonight, little man,’ I say, giving him a smile. ‘Make sure that you eat all of your breakfast for Mummy.’

  I have almost escaped, with the front door handle now in touching distance, when I spot my car keys still hanging on the coat hook where I left them yesterday evening. I go to reach them, but they drop to the floor. I bend down to pick them up just as quickly as they fell.

  ‘What’s that sticking up out of your trousers from your backside?’ Jenny asks. ‘Are you hiding something from me?’

  ‘No, why would I do that?’ I reply, nervously thinking on my feet. ‘It’s nothing much, just work stuff, the usual, you know?’

  ‘Then why are you hiding it?’ Jenny replies, more inquisitively. ‘It doesn’t have to be stuffed down the back of your trousers?’

  Jenny’s holiday talk distracted me, but now it comes as an excuse.

  ‘It’s a surprise. I didn’t want you to see the receipt, that’s why I’m hiding it.’

  I watch the smile on her face. She doesn’t doubt me for a minute. Jenny squeals with excitement, but at least she hasn’t come any closer. I pull out the letter from the back of my trousers and place it inside my inner jacket pocket. Something I’ll have to deal with later.

  ‘Oh, I can’t wait. What is it?’ she asks, eyes wide and her hand on her heart. ‘It’s a holiday, isn’t it? You know how much I’ve gone on about it.’

  Her and that bloody holiday. We can’t afford it. I’m still late.

  ‘I’m sorry to say, it’s not a holiday.’ I break it to her gently. ‘It’s something I’ve been planning for your birthday. I know that thirty-one isn’t exactly a biggie, but I wanted to do something special. You deserve to be pampered, so you’ll have to wait and see.’

  I watch her. She is still smiling. There are days like today when I feel I don’t deserve her. She stands by me through thick and thin, and I repay her with these lies. She doesn’t suspect anything, but I know in a few months, when serious money starts rolling in, this will all have been worth it.

  ‘I’ll see you tonight after work. Have a lovely day with my mother,’ I say, just before I head out the front door while waving at Daniel. ‘You might want to ask my mother about the lodge when you see her today?’

  ‘I’ll leave that to you.’ The last words I hear before closing the door behind me. ‘Have a great day at work.’

  Fuck, that was a close call. But now I’ve got to plan a surprise for her birthday. If she had only stayed in bed I wouldn’t have gone and made things worse for myself.

  Two

  Jenny

  I look out of the window to see the bad weather looming over the horizon. It might even rain. It’s been that long since Michael and I spent some time away together, just the two of us, I have forgotten what a holiday feels like. I see the constant beach adverts on the television and
fantasise about them. I’m sure we’ll venture abroad when Daniel is a bit older or when I can afford to save some money of my own after I return to work full-time.

  I work a couple of days a week at the electrical contractor’s in town as a sales administrator, and it frustrates me when I know I am capable of achieving more. I have a business degree and high hopes of running my own company in the future instead of working for someone else. I’ve often thought about the idea of my own employment agency, but at the moment I’m mostly filing and sending invoices by emails, or chasing up payments and dealing with complaints. I’m sure I will have more opportunities when Daniel is older. I remind myself that I’m in a fortunate position what with owning a house and having a husband who takes care of us, but I miss my family too.

  Leeds will always feel like home to me. My family are there, yet I am isolated from them. I only came to Westbridge to study my degree, then had multiple jobs from one company to another before meeting Michael on the dating app and the rest is history. I was unsure about him at first, but he was very flirtatious and demanding. It was hard not to notice him with all the constant messages about meeting up. Michael eventually won me over with his charm. The more I saw of him, even when it was just quiet walks in the evening or a meal out, the more sincere he seemed… He always directed the conversation, one way or another, to his family. He is very close to his mother, and I admired that. At the time, he had no kids, no ex-wife, a career. He was everything I was looking for in a man. Coupled with him being generous, kind and caring, I knew early on I was falling in love with him. I knew we had a future together because I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Every time we met it was like I was on a high.

  Also, I’ve made some really great friends here who I’d miss. Especially Samantha and Lizzie from the office. They keep inviting me out, but I don’t like to tell them I can’t afford it. It would be like wasting money better spent on our son. He’s constantly growing out of all his clothes.

  Despite her bad qualities, Donna is the closest person I could have to a real mother down this way. I call her Mum because it gives us a sense of closeness as a family. She adores Daniel and, as annoying as she is, I know she means well.